i just watch "clay pigeons" "generation doom" & " my summer of love" and now my head is full of angsty bi youths prancing around killing things and smoking.

I have allergies, and am a perpetual mouth breathing napoleon dynamite S.O.B

I am "horny as eff"  ( pardon the over abundance of class)

I am bored with my usual routine of  eating an entire country, watching stupid reality tv shows, and ignoring the voices of reason as hard as I can

I'm a disgusting human being

I had every intention of getting up and going to church this morning like a good little girl, but then (being my father's daughter) saw that it was (something as simple as) raining out and so I didn't go, excuses.

fuck.

I am astounded that my body refuses to get bigger, ESPECIALLY considering how immobile I have been since working desk jobby job full time. gross

my psychology teacher thinks i'm an asshole and insane, that both tickles me pink and infuriates me.

I wrote about my unhealthy eating habits in a caustic and semi morbid way and unknowingly had it read aloud to the class, wow.

all my eyes see anymore is funny shit around me. It is really happening, I just chose to mold my perception into one of sarcasm and FUNNY funny stuff so to avoid any accountability yada yada yada baaaah

FUCK.

YES!

I always feel paralyzed by all the things I want or want to do. In turn, I just don't do anything altogether.

I want:

To learn how to play the piano ( air, charlotte gainsbourg, pj harvey, tori amos, fiona apple - style)

to learn how to sew better ( I enjoy it, and have really creative ideas that I need to actually be able to execute before I run out of steam or motivation)

to take hip hop dancing ( but it better be JUST like in all the movies where at first the token white girl is hated but solid friendships will inevitably follow.

of course I want to be skinny, but now that 's not even all there is to it anymore, my skin is all translucent and saggy flappy weird, veiny and cellulite stretchmark city, surrounded by dry and freckled, flakey wrinkly suburbs

yeah I want all that gone.

I want invisilign

a haircut

and FINALLY GOOD SKIN! SANS ACNE OR ANY WEIRD DERMAL INFECTION!

I want a house that's pretty

I want stuff I like to put in the box I own .

blue contacts

a record player ( yeah I missed out on the whole fad in highschool)

new feet

a brain and a soul if I'm lucky.

-THANKS.